I GUESS THE
NEW NURSERY
WILL BE BEIGE
EMERGENCY ALERT!
Influenza rages in a post-lockdown world
Flu is a contagious respiratory illness caused by influenza viruses that infect the nose, throat, and sometimes the lungs. It can cause mild to severe illness, and at times can lead to death. The best way to prevent flu is by getting a flu vaccine each year.
A cancelled gender reveal party leads to mass confusion in the Helbert household.
Nothing is going to stop the Helberts from making babies. It’s sort of their hobby. But this year’s baby-related festivities hit a snag.
“Can you believe it? I invited a dozen friends to our gender reveal party, and half of them cancelled because of the flu. Now, our family won’t even know whether to buy blue trucks or pink baby dolls for the little tike,” said Donna Helbert, mother of eight.
Donna’s close friends and frequent babysitters, Kate and Liz, let her know that a simple flu shot could have prevented all the drama.
“Months later, I went to see Fabulosa the Fist, a space-opera-themed drag show that Kate was hosting. Looking around, I asked her and Liz why everyone wasn’t coughing and sneezing, and they told me to just get the flu shot and ask my friends and family to do the same. I guess I had never connected those things,” said Donna in bizarrely genuine epiphany.
Everything ended well for the Helberts. The outbreak was mild. Their new baby, Alex, is thriving in their Marie Kondo-inspired grey and beige nursery. Kate and Liz are looking forward to spoiling baby number nine.
“The Helberts are great people,” laughed Kate, “There are just a ton of them and, evidently, they didn’t know that flu shots were a common, yearly thing that responsible adults did who wanted to be around other people without getting sick all the time. Happy to have helped this lovely straight couple and their quiverfull of towheads. We should probably tell them about birth control, but it didn’t feel like our lane.”
- Influenza (flu) can cause mild to severe illness, comes on suddenly, and at times can lead to death.
- Flu vaccine has been shown to reduce flu related illnesses and the risk of serious flu complications that can result in hospitalization or even death.
- Very few studies have explored the associations between self-identified sexual orientation and flu vaccination coverage. However, those that exist show a higher uptake in the gay community with bisexual folk lagging behind.
This site is parody, but the risks, research, and resources are very real.
Advocate for your own health. Get vaccinated. Stay vigilant. This is everyone’s fight. For more information, visit CDC.gov or talk to a healthcare professional.